Should I Tattoo
“I’m GAY” on my Forehead?
Hi,
my name is Jax and I just want to get this out in the open. I’m a lesbian, a
dyke, a queer, a … . Label it as you will, put me in your easily defined box,
but mostly people just say gay. I’m
sorry but I always have to give a schpeal or people wonder and talk and then it
becomes a huge deal to “come out” to them.
If you are differently orientated
(part of the LGBTAQ….. alphabet) you know what I’m talking about. I’m talking
about how coming out isn’t a one time “Hey everybody, guess what!” kind of
deal. Most of the time it actually feels like a daily thing, and it is.
Being queer
is a different kind of minority. Most minorities are pretty obvious; they are
based on skin color or biology. But being gay? People automatically assume
everyone they meet is straight, hell even gay people do. I can’t even begin to
imagine how often gay people have to come out to other gay people (even with
“gay-dar”).
An example:
When I was 15,I came out as a
lesbian to all of my friends and some of my family. As to be expected some
reacted well (like my girlfriend), others not so well (like my parents), but it
definitely was not a one time experience, each person/friend group had to be
told individually. The thought of doing an intervention style meeting to come
out is just terrifying.
Since I started coming out, I’ve had to come out, in some
way, every single day. Whether it be to
a classmate who asked me a question during small talk before class, various
employers, or to family members who have finally discovered Facebook. Some days I think I should just walk around
with a big sign saying “I’m GAY!’ just to get that out of the way (though that
tends to bring thoughts of the holocaust and pink/black triangles).
Today, I do a fair amount of advocate work, and am often
asked about my coming out story. At moments like these I smile to myself
thinking “which one?” but ultimately never say it. I give them the story of
coming out to my parents because, whether they say it or not, that’s the one
want to know.
When I first came out to my parents
it was not one of those happy scenes that we all hope for. My parents tried to
force me to break up with my girlfriend and shove me back into the closet. They
said that I was too young to be making choices like that about my life. Little
did they know that I had come out for the first time, to myself, around age 12
and had been itching to tell the world ever since I finally found a word to
describe how I felt inside.
6 Years later my mom still thinks I
am going to snap out of it and marry Mr. Right. So with just her alone I feel
like I come out every time we have a conversation about my love life. I wish
she could find it in herself to realize that this is who I am that there is
really nothing she can do about it. It really hurts me that she still thinks that
I am gay because of something she did as a parent, or that I choose this way of
life to hurt her because we have a rocky history.
And there you have it, today, I just came out,
loud and proud….again
