Should I Tattoo
“I’m GAY” on my Forehead?
Hi,
my name is Jax and I just want to get this out in the open. I’m a lesbian, a
dyke, a queer, a … . Label it as you will, put me in your easily defined box,
but mostly people just say gay. I’m
sorry but I always have to give a schpeal or people wonder and talk and then it
becomes a huge deal to “come out” to them.
If you are differently orientated
(part of the LGBTAQ….. alphabet) you know what I’m talking about. I’m talking
about how coming out isn’t a one time “Hey everybody, guess what!” kind of
deal. Most of the time it actually feels like a daily thing, and it is.
Being queer
is a different kind of minority. Most minorities are pretty obvious; they are
based on skin color or biology. But being gay? People automatically assume
everyone they meet is straight, hell even gay people do. I can’t even begin to
imagine how often gay people have to come out to other gay people (even with
“gay-dar”).
An example:
When I was 15,I came out as a
lesbian to all of my friends and some of my family. As to be expected some
reacted well (like my girlfriend), others not so well (like my parents), but it
definitely was not a one time experience, each person/friend group had to be
told individually. The thought of doing an intervention style meeting to come
out is just terrifying.
Since I started coming out, I’ve had to come out, in some
way, every single day. Whether it be to
a classmate who asked me a question during small talk before class, various
employers, or to family members who have finally discovered Facebook. Some days I think I should just walk around
with a big sign saying “I’m GAY!’ just to get that out of the way (though that
tends to bring thoughts of the holocaust and pink/black triangles).
Today, I do a fair amount of advocate work, and am often
asked about my coming out story. At moments like these I smile to myself
thinking “which one?” but ultimately never say it. I give them the story of
coming out to my parents because, whether they say it or not, that’s the one
want to know.
When I first came out to my parents
it was not one of those happy scenes that we all hope for. My parents tried to
force me to break up with my girlfriend and shove me back into the closet. They
said that I was too young to be making choices like that about my life. Little
did they know that I had come out for the first time, to myself, around age 12
and had been itching to tell the world ever since I finally found a word to
describe how I felt inside.
6 Years later my mom still thinks I
am going to snap out of it and marry Mr. Right. So with just her alone I feel
like I come out every time we have a conversation about my love life. I wish
she could find it in herself to realize that this is who I am that there is
really nothing she can do about it. It really hurts me that she still thinks that
I am gay because of something she did as a parent, or that I choose this way of
life to hurt her because we have a rocky history.
And there you have it, today, I just came out,
loud and proud….again
Interest blog, I like how you give examples and how you related it to you. The only thing that is the background and the color of the text makes it a little difficult to read. Otherwise it is very good!
ReplyDeleteI am so happy to have read a blog like this! I went to a high school where there were no openly gay kids, so this is the first 'coming out' story that I have ever heard. I love that you told a personal story, becuase I could actually feel your emotions. You go girl!
ReplyDeleteSOrry about the color before! I didn't realize it was so hard until I looked at my actual page! I changed it!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing Jax. I definitely understand your anxiety about confronting friends, family, etc. It's very daunting to set it all up and to have their full attention, and to not know how they will react.
ReplyDeleteLove it. Totally sums up the frustrations of coming out, and the obnoxious realisation that we have to do it ever. frickin'. day. If nothing else, realise you are so not alone with that.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog! My uncle had to come out to a family of 12 when he was 18 and on top of that was dating a man from a different race. I've had many conversations with him and he said it was the hardest thing he has ever had to do. Way to be strong about it!
ReplyDeleteReally good strong points in this blog! Really appreciate you sharing your story and you make such a good point especially to people like me that are not aware of those struggles and never have had the opportunity to learn or hear about them.
ReplyDeleteBravo, Jackie! Seriously, what an inspiration to everyone, whether part of the LGBTA community or not. Coming out, I'm sure, is not an easy task and too often we don't realize how much you do actually have to come out. Your blog was really an eye opener and was such a strong personal story. I just had a friend come out and is really struggling with how to tell their friends and family. I want to show him your blog and tell him that it isn't easy, but he will get through. Loved it.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, your picture, was too cute! What a good intro to your blog!
ReplyDeleteI love your picture, I think pictures totally say a 1,000 words. You should be proud because you are a beautiful person, and everyone deserves to be happy. I hope your mom will come to her senses and realize you are the person you told her. Also, keep Advocating!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story! Coming out of the closet wasn't exactly the easiest thing for me either so I found nodding a lot during your blog. The best we can do is become good advocates and hopefully change the negative opinions. I can really relate to the "coming out" thing.. Sometimes it's really easy and other times... not so much. Excellent topic and great pictures
ReplyDeleteI appreciate you sharing this to us all. I can only imagine how difficult that was for you to tell your family, but the fact is you have people that care about who you are for who you really are. I really enjoyed your blog and it is really hard to critique something that has so much passion and personal history in it because the only way to express yourself is truthfully and I don't feel like it is fair for me to critique this blog about yourself. I enjoyed reading this and I feel like everyone can take something from reading this. I took that I need to be who I feel like I should be. That's why we are who we are. We are here to express ourselves and be who we desire to be. Putting a false mask over it is insane to think about and insane for others to expect for their own insecurities. Thank you again for sharing this blog.
ReplyDeleteTo answer your title, yes you should tattoo that on your forehead. Also, after just getting through Kaylee's post on coming out as an activist action, I definitely concur with the main themes of this post. And it's unfortunate that we as invisible minorities, have to come out all the time- even if we're extremely out people don't believe us sometimes because they can't believe we're actually "like that," as if it was a negative thing.
ReplyDeleteYes. Good call on first blog. You did a great job laying it all down and being real with readers. Its such an interesting topic- coming out and staying out. This is an everyday ordeal that many people do not consider. Socially, it can be awkward/ anxious/ scary for some people to come out. It seems though that although its not ideal, you work with it and work around it in positive way. It was great to read a positive and affirming blog. Good work!
ReplyDeleteThis was a really wonderful introduction. That you are a positive, welcoming person (at least in my experience) despite not necessarily feeling 100% supported is a real testament to your character. I'm looking forward to reading more of your blogs.
ReplyDeleteThis is something that had never been brought to my attention before. Thank you for showing what it is like to be gay and have to come out on a daily basis. I can't imagine how frustrating that must be sometimes, and I definitely have an immense amount of respect for anyone in the LGBT community who has to endure coming out to others on a consistent basis. You really put a positive spin on the process, however, and I thought this was a great blog and an introduction to who you are as a person.
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